MY NAUGHTY BLAST FROM THE PAST

I had  my secondary school education at the prestigious  Federal Government Girls College Owerri Imo State (so proud of my Alma mater).

My secondary school was filled with the most exotic girls (chicks) from diverse backgrounds  and ethnicity as federal schools were high in demand at that time. 

Exotic chicks  oh yea, chicks who dazzled wherever they walked into and excelled greatly at any tasks and venture , though they were still  a few bad eggs.

I give my  my Alma mater part credit for being a huge influence in shaping me into the independent woman that I am today. 

 I am currently  filled with alot of memories (both good and bad)  of my time spent in FGGC Owerri as a boarder, from JSS1-SS3. The memories are enough to write a book , and some specific events that happened would be a story for another day.

In school back in the days, I would describe myself as jovial, fun loving, energetic, adventurous  intelligent , noisy , troublesome and sometimes hyperactive (Gbaza queen) . 

I was troublesome in the sense that I looked for every opportunity to entertain my classmates irrespective of some negative comments I got such as '' Go and sit down Chidinma, you cant sing'', ''you are disturbing now and distracting us , later you go back at night , read and smash (pass well) your papers ''etc. A couple of classmates actually found me entertaining and ended up having a good laugh and  a good time  at some of my jokes and fantasies.

I always lost my voice due to my frequent fruitless attempts at singing, and I attributed my voice loss to bathing with cold water, lack of hot food on the regular etc when  my perplexed mother tried to inquire on visiting day.

Having all the attributes mentioned above, it was no shocker when my friend and classmate Uju approached me to greet with her on our Annual Foundation Prize Giving Day.

Our Annual Foundation Prize Giving Day was a day set out by my Alma mater to celebrate the birth of the school and also reward outstanding students with prizes. 

Parents , staff , students and well wishers all convene at a spot called  the '' Mini stadium'' for the ceremony.

The event  usually kicked off with greetings by different students in different languages such as  English , French , Yoruba, Fulani, Igbo, Hausa etc .

One  fateful day, Uju  approached me and asked if I'd be interested in joining her as a partner to greet in Fulani on ''Foundation day'', and  excitedly  I  accepted.

As if I was suddenly struck by a thunderbolt, it suddenly occurred to me that neither I nor Uju had  Fulani ethnicity or had any knowledge of Fulani Language.

Curious, I approached  Uju  and asked how she intended  we went about it , stating the reasons  I mentioned above as a possible hindrance.

She laughed and affirmed  we had no issues at all, stating she had it all covered by getting  someone with Fulani ethnicity to do the translation.

She later gave me my copy of the supposed translated Fulani  greeting which I recited repeatedly and has stuck to my brain till  date.

The original Annual Foundation Prize Giving Day Greeting was 

''Good morning Principal, Vice Principal, Parents, Staff and Students. You are all welcome to our annual Foundation  Prize Giving Day . We hope you have a good time and God grants you  a safe  journey to your various homes. Thank you''.

The supposed translated  Fulani copy given to me by my friend Uju read thus

Latiwa Principal, Vice Principal, Ewarefa, Titi wa otio. Kogi eki lekan foundation ti prize giving day. Ewe Koi lateef, Iletu (my school slang) ta giri fake ya, uban koi .

A night before the main day /foundation ceremony, while I was rounding up my recitations and committing the words to memory , another friend and classmate upon sighting me  burst out laughing  hysterically.

Bewildered as to why she found my recitations funny, I inquired and she opened up to me.

She revealed that indeed the greeting I had been reciting all the while wasn't actually  truly in Fulani but made up by Uju. My heart sank, I had been deceived .

I confronted Uju as to her motivations for coming up with such a stunt and why she chose me as an accomplice. I also stated my decision to back out and not be part of the plan as I could foresee grave consequences if we were caught.

She apologized stating she chose me because others being fully aware of the shadiness declined the offer and being the entertainer and free spirited person I was, I was her best  choice.

She also stated I was in already and with the event taking place  the next morning , we would attract serious punishments if we decided not to go ahead as planned . The only option was to act as a team she emphasized, as no one in the audience  would be able to distinguish true Fulani from fake (lol).

My God! I marveled at her extreme guts .  I brought to her knowledge the possibility of  a  parent , student or well wisher of Fulani ethnicity  being  amongst the crowd and bursting our bubble , but Uju was adamant.

The night before the main event,  I couldn't sleep.  ''What if we get caught, get suspended etc , I pondered till I slept off.

The next day being the day for the main event  came and all students greeting in various languages assembled at one point practicing their recitations, while my heart kept pounding.

The greeter groups were called one after another until  our turn came and we went forward to present  ours in front of the whole school, Principal , Vice-principals , Staff and Parents .

In the course of our greeting , I began having a panic attack. Suddenly, I could hardly remember any of the recited words, but Uju my friend was quick to notice and finished up.

There were claps and cheers from the audience as we hurriedly left the scene .I heaved a sigh of relief for not being caught and went to my dormitory.

I told my roommates what had transpired  and they all laughed hysterically.

The next day , out of curiosity I asked Uju to fill me in on the interpretation of her forged Fulani greeting and she interpreted thus:

Good morning Principal, Vice principal , Parents, Staff and Students. You are all welcome to our annual Foundation Prize Giving day. We hope you have a good time and God grants you  a safe  journey to your various homes. It is not compulsory to greet, fuck you.

I screamed in shock and laughed hard.

My school had a popular slang "Iletu" which meant it is not compulsory in actual translation.

Uju used this slang in the fake Fulani translation.

I further told my other friends and "apartment girls"  all that happened in details.  Next thing I knew, the news had spread and gone round like wild fire.

A couple of weeks  later , life returned to normal and the event had been long forgotten.

Then came another popular celebration in my Alma Mater called the Commonwealth Day.

Yet again , the lady teacher known as Mrs O in charge of those greeting in languages  fetched us and informed us we were going to greet again on the said  day of the celebration.

I froze, and gave an excuse of not being disposed to do it, but Mrs O stated I had no choice and opting out wasn't an option.

(Remember news had gone round our greeting was fake and we had inserted a school slang "ILETU" into our forged greeting).

Uju and I froze   there and then . We were busted!!!

The Commonwealth day came , then it got to our turn. We knelt down and proceeded with  our  greeting .

When we got to the part containing our school slang ''Iletu'' , the whole school screamed , shouted and laughed .

Our principal, staff and parents thinking the whole school were pleased with our outstanding performance all clapped in delight.

The male teacher compering the event then gushed while we left saying '' These Children are wonderful, I wonder how they learn all these languages''.

Uju and I looked at each other with a  mischievous grin. If only they ( principal, parents, staff) knew. Lol!