I am currently reading this book by Richard Templar tagged Rules of Love and I thought it was hightime I penned something down for my book review page.
The challenge I have with reading books is that mostimes, there is so much information, and some really do get lost if I do not take the time to meditate on what I've read.
I decided to read this book to have a deeper insight at what the word ''Love '' truly entailed.
I for sure knew that love entailed more that man meeting woman, going on a date, having sex and getting married etc.
If it entailed all the above mentioned, why can't some married couples remain together after they have professed loving each other. There had to be a deeper insight on some principles that could make love and relationships work.
Now the author in his introduction said he researched and observed key principles and characters played or embibed by those who had succesful relationships and was able to come up with these principles.
RULES FOR FINDING LOVE
1. Be Yourself
Now this has caused more doom for relationships than ever.
Most people meet certain kinds of people and feel they need to re-invent themselves in order to be what their partner fances . Some totally loose their personalities in this process.
It dosen't mean you don't make efforts at improving yourself or changing bad habits, it simply means you remain who you are.
For instance, loads of ladies put up a sophisticated front meeting certain kinds of men. Some individuals change hobbies and almost everything.
The author emphasizes that it shouldn't be the case, as those not being themselves are forced to live a pretensious life which could lead to the collapse of a relationship if ones true character finally surfaces.
E.g I love color and all things bright and beautiful. It will be bizzare and too much work always wearing say colors like grey, cofee etc to please someone else, I just can't.
2.Get Over It, Before You Get On With It
This centres on dropping your baggages and making sure you are over with them before getting into new relationships.
It means you don't jump from one relationship to the other for fear of being alone even when they aren't right.
You need to get rid of the scars and every emotional wreck before finding new flame or it could ruin your new relationship.
Have you ever met people who cannot get over talking about their exes? He loved that, she loved this etc. How is talking about your ex all the time supposed to make your new flame feel?
3.You Wont be Happy With A Partner Until You are Happy on Your Own
You need to learn to be happy and secure on your own, and not depend on a relationship for that. That way , you can still move on easily, if the relationship fails, and wouldn't be stuck in a bad relationship for fear of being alone.
E.g My blogging gives me great Joy. Find something that interests you outside work which drives you.
4. You'll Know When You Meet Them
Some people say they know the instant they meet their future spouse. The author emphasizes it dosen't work like that for everyone but advises that if you meet someone, and you feel they aren't the right one, you do not take a gamble on it.
Basically, do not commit yourself to anything permanent until you are certain of the individual.
You do not allow anyone pressurize you into making a decision before you are ready.
If you have doubts about your patner , do not make hasty decisions.
5. Choose Someone Who Makes You Laugh
Life on its own is tough with challenges, trouble here and there etc. The author simply advises people choose partners with a good sense of humor that can make them laugh, and aren't grumpy or too serious with everything. During old age and retirement, you need humor to keep going.
He advises against choosing patners on looks, status and other personality traits alone as all that could fizzle out, but humor remains.
6. Being Less Than Hundred Percent Attractive Is A Great Filter
He urges people to love themselves for whom they are , and not feel certain personal qualities such as not being tall, rich enough etc could be reasons for not being able to find love.
Someone out there will love you just the way you are, all it takes is time.
There is a person for everyone.
7. Dont Keep Making The Same Mistakes
You are to rule out certain qualities and character traits you cannot cope with. Once ruled out and you meet people with the listed traits, you are to avoid getting into relationships with them , as you are 99 percent likely to reap the same results.
8. Certain People are Off Limits
There are certain people you could be in a relationship with and you don't feel peace or at ease e.g Dating your best friends husband, your sisters boyfriend or husband , vice versa etc.
No matter how deeply you yearn for them, they are off limits and getting involved with them could spell doom and hurt so many.
9. You Can't Change People
So many people get into relationships with certain people and convince themselves that they can change certain bad habits and traits found in their patners once they get married.
The author emphasizes that what you see, is what you get and it takes a personal resolution by your patner before any change can happen and not by your sole efforts.
For instance, dating a drug addict, an alcholic or a messy lady and thinking they'l change once married. You are on a long thing.
10 Relationship aren't about Sex
The author emphasizes that if a relationship is based on sex alone, it will crumble once issues such as career problems, money worries, children etc start to spring up.
He advises against mistaking lust for love or assuming because sex with an individual is great, the relationship willl be great too.
Great sex does not necessarily sum up to a good and lasting relationship.
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