Some days back, news sites and blogs were agog with the news of a 21-year-old student of Maritime Academy Oron, Effiong Otu who committed suicide by hanging himself on a rope in his room on Thursday morning after he was jilted by his girl friend.
About 2 years back, a 21 year old Ghanaian rapper Tema Gabe Smalls also committed suicide because he was jilted by his lover The rate and cases of bizarre and extreme extents people go because they were dumped by their lovers is alarming.
I also read in one of the Nigerian dailies sometime back, how a guy wiped out his ex girlfriends family because she left him.
You may think its peculiar to the male folk given the cases and examples I have cited, but it isn't.
Women also do loads of drastic things to themselves after being dumped. I personally have had friends and acquaintances who thought of suicides, inflicted themselves with injuries (thinking they were not beautiful enough as being the reason their lovers ported), have decided to hate the male folk turning to lesbianism, sort to bear grudges against any man with the same name or from the same tribe as their lovers who jilted them.
A close friend of mine who went through a break up because she wasn't from an acceptable community, town and state as wanted by her beau's parents almost lost her life while driving . She was filled with so much pain, engrossed in so much thought that she had to stop in the middle of a very busy road while driving and crying hysterically. Luckily, good samaritans came up to her , and helped drive her home . Another friend of mine had also been hospitalised because she suffered a heart break. The list goes on and on.
Now, I am not sounding all tough, acting like I don't feel pain in the course of a heartbreak , of course I do. But I do not take it to the extreme. I cry , tell my close friends if I need sympathy , wipe my tears, pray and move on. Yes indeed, time heals all wounds.
Having God as my ultimate source of joy and a superb self esteem makes the whole process of moving on easier.
For those who chose to end their lives ( I'm not judging ), I think they suffer immense psychological issues. They chose to put a human (filled with imperfections) at the centre of their happiness and the source of their joy when even the bible rebukes such.
There is a particular verse that says Jer 17:5 '' Woe/"Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who draws strength from mere flesh and whose heart turns away from the LORD''.
You cannot have God as your ultimate source and resign to depend on a human you aren't even married to as the source of your ultimate happiness. Even married couples divorce in some cases, partners cheat etc, should it not be enough evidence that it is dangerous to depend totally on another imperfect human like you?
Another reason people do stupid things after being jilted is poor self esteem.Self-esteem is a term used in psychology to reflect a person's overall emotional evaluation of his or her own worth.
People with low self esteem tend to depend on another human to feel complete or worthy and often accept to stay in abusive relationships . A low self worth sends messages to your brain like'' If he/she leaves me I'll die, I'll never find someone again, I am not good enough'' etc. This pushes victims to think all hope is lost and feel like failures when their relationships go sour.
What should people do when they are jilted by a trusted lover?
1. Recognise that you aren't the only one who has suffered or experienced it.
2. Recognise that most of the people married or in successful relationships had bad experiences too in the past but decided to forge ahead, try again and finally got what the wanted.
3. Recognise that time and space heals all wounds. We always think we can't do without some people, but with time and space , you will recognise that they are replaceable.
4. Always know that there are many fishes in the ocean. There is an adage that says ''you don't know what you've got till it is gone, and another that says ''You never know what you are missing , until you reach out to touch it''.
5. It is wrong to see a human as your ultimate source of joy and happiness. It should be God instead or whatever you believe in.
6. Know that If you kill your self / commit suicide, the jiltee/ dumpee would move on and may not even suffer any guilt or attend your funeral . So who is the learner? Be wise!
The fact that you got jilted shouldn't be a reason to employ drastic measures harming yourself , transferring your agression on your subsequent partners, giving up on life etc.
Rather, have an open mind towards healing and moving on, and you'll be surprised the universe will surely reward you with your hearts desire, and then you'd thank God and realize why it never worked with your former lovers.
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