Warning- Dear readers, before proceeding to read this post, channel your deepest sense of humour *Wink*
I was inspired to write this after I saw this prayer post on a friends Facebook profile on Valentines day
Check it out below
Feb 14 is a day for prayers against every strange man/woman in d life or around our husband's/wife's or fiance's/fiance's life:
1) Anybody tryin to hug my husband/wife or fiance/fiacee seductively, catch fire!!!
2) Anyone planning to sit on his laps, be unseated by fire!!!
3) Any person, spirit or power that wants to collect money or expensive gifts from him, somersault and die!!!
4) Any strange man/woman that wants to put asunder to what God has joined together, be shattered by fire!!!
5) Anyone sending romantic msg to my partner, be struck with rheumatism!!!
6) Evil kisses waiting for my partner, be consumed by fire!!!
7) You strange woman/ man, that wants to camp my partner all day, be encamped by fire!!!
8. Anyone, planning a 'quickie' with my husband in d office on d 14th, be electrocuted!!!
Brothers and Sisters Open ur
mouth and P r a a a a a a a ay!!!!!
Very funny indeed. My thoughts were, do wives actually sit down and pray these prayers? They must really have tons of time at their disposal.
I clearly pointed out that I was guilty of the 3rd prayer point loooool ( some people are judging me now).
You mean reject an expensive gift because a guy or a lady is married? ''Impossicant ''(Impossible).
There is an Igbo adage that says (Pardon my Igbo) Etinye gi sugar na onu, iga agbufu ya? Meaning , if sugar is given to you or put in your mouth, will you spit it out?
In order words, if I am gifted by a married man / woman, should I reject it?
If a married person gives you gifts when you aren't a relative , there are two things involved (quoting comedian Basket mouth)
1. He/she just likes you and wants to gift you because you are in need, or you are celebrating an event e.g birthday , wedding etc .
The motive for giving in this case can be termed as pure and innocent.
2. He /she wants to woo you for an extra marital relationship either as a mistress or a boy toy.
The motive for giving in this case can be termed as ulterior or ''kukere''.
Now, because I am a chick/lady, I’ll focus more on gifts given by the male folk since I am experienced in this regard.
It’s stale news in Nigeria and around the world that some married male folk, bored, tired or in need of adventure and excitement move around like roaring lions seeking single/ married ladies to devour.
You find them at school e.g lecturers, at work e.g bosses or staff, in church e.g pastors and church workers, on the streets, in your neighborhood, even under your parents roof e.g some psycho relatives and friends etc .
Nevertheless, if I am approached by any of them and I am gifted, should I reject it? ‘’Mbanu ‘’ No.
Picture this, I dey my own jeje, go about my duties and life innocently, you are a married man who ventures my way, begin to have illicit imaginations of possible sexual occurrences and how to devour me.
Smooth and sleek, you make your intentions known, and I turn down the offer.
You decide to pester and lure me with gifts and material stuff trying to tempt me like the devil tempted Jesus, only in this case, I partially let you flee by keeping my precious gifts.
Ok, I understand some people are saying in their minds ‘’ Resist the devil totally and he would flee’’.
But oh boy /oh girl , should I say no to keys to a Range Rover when I did not ask and it came my way on a platter? Mbanu ( NO).
If it happened to you, what action would you take?
Now, if you decided to go beyond keeping your gifts, i'm not supporting you oooh, its totally up to you OYO( On your own).
Just remember not to go to ''Bombastic'' hotel, room any number to collect it oo, #Godis watching you#.
Look at the lyrics to songs that tells us it is totally ok to collect and keep our gifts ( loool ) such as Fergie of Black Eyed Peas in ''My Humps'', ''Fergalicious'', ''Jawo Jawo'' by the late Goldie ft Jaywon, Bottom belle by Omawumi ft Flavour to mention just a few .
Check them out below
MY HUMPS- BLACK EYED PEAS
What you gon' do with all that junk?
All that junk inside your trunk?
I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps (Check it out)
I drive these brothers crazy,
I do it on the daily,
They treat me really nicely,
They buy me all these ices.
Dolce & Gabbana,
Fendi and that Donna
Karan, they be sharin'
All their money got me wearin' fly
Brother I ain't askin,
They say they love my ass ‘n,
Seven Jeans, True Religion's,
I say no, but they keep givin'
So I keep on takin'
And no I ain't taken
We can keep on datin'
I keep on demonstrating.
My love (love), my love, my love, my love (love)
You love my lady lumps (love),
My hump, my hump, my hump (love),
My humps they got you,
She's got me spending.
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me and spending time on me.
She's got me spendin'.
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me, up on me, on me
FERGALICIOUS
Fergalicious definition make them boys go loco
They want my treasure so they get their pleasures from my photo.
You could see me, you can't squeeze me.
I ain't easy, I ain't sleazy.
I got reasons why I tease 'em.
Boys just come and go like seasons.
[Hook 1]
Fergalicious (so delicious)
But I ain't promiscuous.
And if you were suspicious,
All that shit is fictitious.
I blow kisses (mmmwwahhh)
That puts them boys on rock, rock.
And they be lining down the block just to watch what I got (four, tres, two, uno)
[Chorus]
So delicious (it's hot, hot)
So delicious (I put them boys on rock, rock)
So delicious (they wanna slice of what I got)
I'm Fergalicious (t-t-t-t-t-tasty, tasty)
Incase you think it's peculiar to those abroad, let me take you down Nigerian style.
Men chasing,spending and girls collecting also happens in Naija too.
Check out the videos below
JAWO JAWO BY THE LATE GOLDIE FEATURING JAYWON
Jawo,jawo jawo l’omo
Spend that money on me
Come on boy
You look at me so classy so fine
You wanna touch that booty, you better be spending over a dime yea
Then the part where she said
By me drinks, player please
Pay my bills or let me be,
No freebies here, I ain’t that chick
No more kisses diamonds please
You want to play , you got to pay ,
Spend your dollars , make my rainy day
Omo toju , Omo toda( Pardon my Youruba)
OMAWUMI FT FLAVOUR NABANIA ( BOTTOM BELLE)
Oga buy me bottom belle coolu my heart ehe
Oga buy me bottom belle coolu my heart ehe
Bonsuwe! Azikiwe
Bonsuwe! Ah yo ah yo
Bonsuwe! Azikiwe
Bonsuwe! Ah yo ah yo o
Eh eh eh ah yo ah yo o
Eh eh eh ah yo ah yo o
Verse 1
You tell me say you like me
Me sef tell you my own eh
When e reach to buy me fine things
Iwo l'Aradite eh (eh)
If I tell you say make you do better
Try understand
I say as a woman wey like plenty money
Oya show me say fit shake your body
You be chairman no be for mouth eh eh eh
Chairman do something, kpamurege
Chorus
Oga buy me bottom belle coolu my heart eh (coolu my heart eh)
Oga buy me bottom belle coolu my heart eh (Everybody say)
Bonsuwe! Azikiwe (aha)
Bonsuwe! Ah yo ah yo
Bonsuwe! Azikiwe (ehe)
Bonsuwe! Ah yo ah yo o (oya Oliver)
So you see, I am not the only culprit here, these artistes clearly know what I am talking about. So please don’t judge me and I won’t judge you (quoting Chris Brown lol).
Incase you are saying ,'' all those that have chopped a guys money, someone will chop their husband’s own too'' , I say no wahala. Remember, I/we never asked ooo, I/we was/were offered.
The bible says give and it shall come back to you , good measures shaken together, running over.
Besides, marrying ‘’dummy keyboards ‘’ and Keziah’s (Guys who spend frivolously) is not our portion AMEN loooooool.
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